Happy Mother’s Day or My Quest to Find the Perfect Church

I am reluctant to write this post, but I am so irritated right now. The full background is a story for another day. Here’s the semi-short version…

My brother in law is getting married in a few months to the daughter of the ministers (a husband and wife tag team) at the church we attend. Joining this church is a decision I have come to regret for a number of reasons that I won’t go into today. When we joined this church, we overlooked the fact that they have a very money-focused ministry. My husband and I started tithing this year, so giving is not an issue for us.

Yesterday, we took all of our mothers out to dinner. There were 12 people: my brother and his fiancé, my parents, my mother in law, my brother in law and his fiancé, her sister and the ministers. Lovely occasion, right? I thought so until I spoke to my hubby.

Apparently, when the bill came, the man of God (who wears $1,000 hats, drives a Benz and sports his bling bling on the regular) indicated to my brother in law that he was not contributing to the appetizers because they did not order all those appetizers. Now, mind you, the waitress asked us did we want her to do an appetizer platter that would be enough for the table. I guess the cat had their tongue because no one really said anything. She asked a second time and I said yes. I knew my folks wanted a couple of appetizers, BB and I wanted some and so did others at the table.

When she brought the appetizers out, the good reverend had some spinach dip and chips. But he stopped himself from partaking in the other appetizers and he said “let me stop because I don’t want anyone to think that I am paying for this.” (As though we would expect him to foot the bill.) When the bill came, he told my brother in law that they did not eat any appetizers so he wasn’t going to split that part of the bill. My brother in law, not wanting to make a big deal about it, just paid the difference. Then he called my hubby this morning to tell him what went down.

Here are my issues:
1. Why didn’t they speak up when the waitress asked? If they did not want appetizers, they should have said so.

2. If they did not want to just split the bill, why didn’t they ask for separate checks at the beginning of the meal? I completely understand only paying for what you and your family ate. But as a courtesy for those of us who are used to just splitting the bill, let us know on the front end. (I know, we are the exception and not the norm amongst our people.)

3. THEY chose that particular restaurant. It was a little pricey. Next time, choose a restaurant that is more moderately priced.

4. The real problem is that the ministers’ adult children do not work (one is in school, so she gets a waiver…the other is my future sister in law — her story—another day), so they could not afford to pay for their parent’s meal. So instead of making it clear how it would go down at the beginning of the meal, my future sister in law had her underwear in a bunch after we went our separate ways.

I recognize that there are 2 types of diners: Those who split the bill and those who will figure out exactly what they ate and pay for only that amount. Next time we will get separate checks.