Random Ramblings

Yesterday Oz was in town. We had a quick meeting to catch up. During this meeting I confirmed that he did in fact, get my e-mail about my miscarriage. He just didn't respond. Just as I thought. What a turkey. All this time, I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. argh!

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Next weekend I am hosting a wedding shower for my future sister-in-law. Her sister wants to hire a stripper to come to my house. I said okay. I hope I don't regret this later. I think I already regret it.

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I discovered one of my staffers has a web site. He uses it to promote his music (he has a CD out) and whatever else he is working on. I wonder if any of my staffers have discovered my blog. If ever approached, I will deny everything!

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Speaking of CDs, Common just released his new CD, titled Be. It is HOT. I am not a big hip hop/rap fan. But every now and then, an artist transcends labels and stereotypes and just produces good music. Props to Common...Chi-town in da house!

Issues of Faith and Religion

When I was a child, faith and religion were simple and uncomplicated. We didn’t always go to church, but I always went to Christian schools. I was taught about the gospel of Jesus Christ and I believed.

As an adult, I still believe in the gospel of Jesus Christ. I was baptized at age 22 and I joined a Baptist church in my neighborhood. After I got married and moved to the other side of town, my husband and I agreed that we would look for a church nearby. Neither of us wanted to attend his church and my church was about 45 minutes away (with no traffic). We found a church that we both liked, but lately I have begun to question the church’s philosophy and focus. We attend a “prosperity” church. Essentially, the church’s main focus is to teach its members how to be prosperous (especially financially) here on earth, in this life. I struggle with the focus of this ministry.

Now, don’t misunderstand me. I understand the importance of having the right relationship with money. The Bible speaks about money a lot. But I have a problem with every message coming down to money. And I especially have a problem with being asked to show my love for the pastor by giving him a personal offering every month. I think the pastor should be taken care of. But I don’t think the pastor should have 2 Mercedes-Benz's in his garage while the majority of his congregation can’t afford to move out of the ghetto. Lately the message seems to be focused on “giving so that you can get your blessing”. I don’t think we should be giving just to get something in return. I give because I love the Lord. If I never become rich or a superstar singer or move into a huge mansion, I will continue to give. Because He loved me first. The size of my blessing is not dependent on me making the pastor’s family rich. My blessings are determined by my relationship with the Almighty. I know that He will always provide for me. He always has taken care of me.

A Real Man

This morning am1390 (the local Christian radio station) gave me a really good giggle. The show is hosted by Angela Martin and Pastor John Hannah. Pastor Hannah is crazy. Period. For the past few days he has been offering commentary on metrosexuals (men who are a little too much into their appearance). His take is that these so-called metrosexual men are not real men. Today he gave his list of attributes for a real man. Here are the top three:

1. A real man leaves stuff on the floor—clothing, socks and especially underwear. My hubby likes for his entire shoe collection (including socks) to live by the back door. And this is progress, as his shoes used to live all over the house.

2. A real man will leave the occasional toenail in the bed or on the floor. Okay--my hubby has feet like a hobbit. As my brother so eloquently put it, "Your feet look dead!!" His toenails could be classified as dangerous weapons. Yes, he has the feet of a real man, Pastor Hannah.

3. A real man leaves a trail of crumbs wherever he goes. To his credit, he makes enough money for us to have a cleaning service because I cannot always be on crumb patrol.

Somehow Pastor Hannah has been inside my house, and he has observed my husband. Despite my BB's metrosexual tendencies (he LOVES shoes, and he does own a pink shirt), I’m glad to know he is a real man. Thanks Pastor Hannah, for that blessed assurance.

Happy Mother’s Day or My Quest to Find the Perfect Church

I am reluctant to write this post, but I am so irritated right now. The full background is a story for another day. Here’s the semi-short version…

My brother in law is getting married in a few months to the daughter of the ministers (a husband and wife tag team) at the church we attend. Joining this church is a decision I have come to regret for a number of reasons that I won’t go into today. When we joined this church, we overlooked the fact that they have a very money-focused ministry. My husband and I started tithing this year, so giving is not an issue for us.

Yesterday, we took all of our mothers out to dinner. There were 12 people: my brother and his fiancé, my parents, my mother in law, my brother in law and his fiancé, her sister and the ministers. Lovely occasion, right? I thought so until I spoke to my hubby.

Apparently, when the bill came, the man of God (who wears $1,000 hats, drives a Benz and sports his bling bling on the regular) indicated to my brother in law that he was not contributing to the appetizers because they did not order all those appetizers. Now, mind you, the waitress asked us did we want her to do an appetizer platter that would be enough for the table. I guess the cat had their tongue because no one really said anything. She asked a second time and I said yes. I knew my folks wanted a couple of appetizers, BB and I wanted some and so did others at the table.

When she brought the appetizers out, the good reverend had some spinach dip and chips. But he stopped himself from partaking in the other appetizers and he said “let me stop because I don’t want anyone to think that I am paying for this.” (As though we would expect him to foot the bill.) When the bill came, he told my brother in law that they did not eat any appetizers so he wasn’t going to split that part of the bill. My brother in law, not wanting to make a big deal about it, just paid the difference. Then he called my hubby this morning to tell him what went down.

Here are my issues:
1. Why didn’t they speak up when the waitress asked? If they did not want appetizers, they should have said so.

2. If they did not want to just split the bill, why didn’t they ask for separate checks at the beginning of the meal? I completely understand only paying for what you and your family ate. But as a courtesy for those of us who are used to just splitting the bill, let us know on the front end. (I know, we are the exception and not the norm amongst our people.)

3. THEY chose that particular restaurant. It was a little pricey. Next time, choose a restaurant that is more moderately priced.

4. The real problem is that the ministers’ adult children do not work (one is in school, so she gets a waiver…the other is my future sister in law — her story—another day), so they could not afford to pay for their parent’s meal. So instead of making it clear how it would go down at the beginning of the meal, my future sister in law had her underwear in a bunch after we went our separate ways.

I recognize that there are 2 types of diners: Those who split the bill and those who will figure out exactly what they ate and pay for only that amount. Next time we will get separate checks.

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

This post has nothing to do with Cinco De Mayo...
Today Oprah is talking candidly to seven men who have cheated on their wives. One of the cheaters claimed that he never actually had sex with the other woman. He was crying and Oprah asked him why. He started saying something about how much he loves his wife. I’ve never heard Oprah cuss before. But she said to him all those tears don’t mean a DAMN thing if he can’t tell the truth.

The cheaters agreed that most men cheat on their wives. (Nooooooooo!)

All of the wives except one appeared on the show and they were holding their husbands hands.

Most of the men did not seem genuinely remorseful. Many of them did not take any responsibility for and of the issues in their marriages. In fact, it seemed easier for them to cheat rather than make a genuine effort to communicate their needs to their wives. That’s just lazy and selfish. Watching these men made me feel a little sad. But mostly I feel OUTRAGED! The truth is many mothers (and wives for that matter) have 2 full time jobs—one outside the home and another taking care of nearly everything inside the home. Would it be too much to ask these lazy, self-centered slackers to put their egos aside every now and then and cater to the woman’s needs in order to bring the spark back into their relationship?

Men, let me clue you in on a little secret: A lot of us women are willing to meet you more than half way in keeping the sparks going if you help a little around the house. After working all day, coming home to cook, clean, do laundry all while trying to give the kids some attention before bath and bed time, many times collapsing in the bed is about all we can muster. Personally, if BB takes care of dinner, cleans the kitchen and remembers to Windex the glass table without me having to ask, mmmm that is sexy.

National Scrapbook Day

Here’s my dilemma: I got involved with scrapbooking a few years ago. I thought it would be a fun way to archive all the pictures I’ve accumulated over the years. My friend M told me about Creative Memories, I liked the products and thus began yet another hobby that I don’t have quite enough time to do. Anyhoo, I started going to some of the workshops. They were fun. I got to be creative and drink margaritas. This was cool especially since M and I rarely get to hang out without the kids .After a while I began to notice that the typical profile of a scrapper was middle-aged white woman with 2-4 children under age 14. And 95% of their pictures were of their children. And a lot of the conversation revolved around little Timmy’s latest antics. This didn’t really bother me until I started the bumpy ride on the baby train.

This Friday is National Scrapbook Day. Mommies from all over Chicago will round up all their latest photos along with a new batch of cute kid stories and congregate in the local church, gymnasium or some other space large enough to fit 30 large round tables. They will work on their baby album, first day of school album, Disneyworld album, etc… I just don’t know if I am up for 6 hours of absorbing the memories of other peoples’ kids.

Fertility issues can bring up such a mixed bag of emotions. I feel selfish for not wanting to be bothered. It seems like I should be able to stop thinking about my situation for a little while. I feel guilty for having a secret grudge against all of my friends who have children. Logically, I know that this is just ridiculous. I’m still bitter with one friend because I shared my story with her and she did not reciprocate. I need to get over this.

Feeling like myself again

This weekend I actually felt like myself again for the first time in months. I didn’t feel the urge to stay in bed all day on Saturday. I was actually somewhat productive around the house. I cooked on Saturday and Sunday. (BB was so very happy!) Sunday we went to church. Afterwards, I cooked and then I went to help my brother’s fiancée stuff envelopes for their wedding.

If my burst of energy continues, I will go for a run after work today. This will be my first outdoor run of the season. I’ve been putting it off because the weather has been quite chilly…ideal running weather, right? Well, I hate being cold. Even though I know that I will warm up after about five minutes, the prospect even that short amount of cold has kept me indoors. But I have to start sucking it up if I am going to run in the Ridge Run at the end of the month.

Worried: The woman who sits outside of my office was out Friday and today. I hope everything is okay with her and the baby.

In the news…
So what is up with the runaway bride? On one hand, I can understand getting cold feet. I can even understand calling it off at the last minute. But why lie about being abducted? And of course one of the abductors is a minority. Wtf? Why???
[edit] Believe it or not, this cat still wants to marry the runaway bride...go figure!

Inappropriate Office Behavior: Our office manager (we’ll call him the Mayor)is a really nice guy but a bit of a space cadet. Today we had a senior manager meeting. The woman who manages all the admins and the reception area was talking about how the person who usually covers the early morning shift would not be able to do it for a while. She wanted to commend the admins who volunteered to cover this shift until the regular person is able to resume her duties. So someone asked when that would be. Then the Mayor decides to give us the details of why she can’t cover the desk…a bunch of personal stuff that was really none of our business. (It was nothing really bad, just personal.) I guess part way through the explanation he realized that he was saying too much. He had this crazy look on his face. I think it was really wrong for him to put this employee’s business out there in a meeting like that. Geez, what a blabber mouth.