Addiction

Oprah’s book club is reading “A Million Little Pieces” by James Frey. It’s an account of the author’s struggle with addiction and how he eventually recovered. When I was in my 20s, I dated an addict for 3 years. I didn’t know he used drugs for at least the first year of our relationship and I was too naïve to even see the signs. He was from my church. He told my brother that he wanted to meet me. To this day, my brother feels bad that he had any part in what turned out to be one of the darkest periods of my life.

Once when we had been dating for a short time, I couldn’t get in touch with him for several days. I finally spoke to his mom and she told me he was in the hospital. I proceeded to ask her what was wrong, when would he be home, is he okay, etc… She was really indifferent. She didn’t know when he would be home or even what was wrong with him. In fact, she didn’t even go to see him, her only son. So I just sent flowers and waited to hear from him. He finally called. He told me that he had a seizure, but there was no permanent damage. I asked him what was up with his mom…she didn’t even seem concerned. He just brushed it off and said she’s always trippin’ about something. Later, I heard from someone at church that he was in the hospital because he overdosed. When I confronted him, he denied it of course. Months later, before his first stint in rehab while we were together, he came clean about a lot of things, including the mystery seizure. I should have walked away, but I didn’t. I thought that my love for him could save him. There is so much more to this story, too much for this forum.

I should write a book about my experience. It would make a great movie.

Office Etiquette

A co-worker of mine has a problem with flatulence. She has dropped bombs in my office on more than one occasion. Back when she was pregnant, I didn’t have the heart to say anything. I really regret not nipping this behavior in the bud, because it continued well after she returned from maternity leave. She farts in a room full of people, in the hall, in the elevator, walking down the street, pretty much whenever the urge hits her. I recognize that gas is a natural bodily function, and I even understand the occasional fart in your own office. And hey, if you are in a room full of strangers, chances are, no one will be able to point out the phantom farter. But it completely OFFENDS me that she would come into my office, funk it up to high heaven, and sit there like nothing has happened. About a month ago, she was standing in my doorway, talking about nothing in particular, and BOOM! She dropped a particularly odiferous bomb. In that moment I decided enough is enough. I looked her in the eye and said, “You FARTED!” She burst into a fit of giggles as she tried to explain that she didn’t think I would smell it, she tried to step back a little, hoping it would not waft into my office. (What about the poor admin who sits outside my office, I guess she didn’t mind letting her suffer.) I proceeded to tell her that when she was knocked up, I let her slide, but NO MORE!

So now she farts in her own office. Today I walked into her office and it smelled like ass. Ugh.

Appraisal HELL

Appraisal HELL!

It’s that time of year again. What time, you may ask? It’s time for me to start writing performance appraisals for my staff. I really despise appraisal time. If it were up to me, I would give everyone a decent review and substantial pay increases. Everyone would be happy and I would have peace of mind. Unfortunately, in trying to be a decent manager, I am obligated to give everyone an honest assessment of their performance over the year. Honesty is not something people really appreciate. Really, I only have one evaluation in particular that I am dreading. My problem child.

This particular employee started as an administrative assistant. She was hard-working, fairly competent, efficient and in general quite pleasant. So when a more challenging position became available, I encouraged her to apply. I ended up hiring her for the position. I found out that she was only a few hours short of getting her bachelor’s degree. So I encouraged her to enroll at a local college to complete her degree. I always try to encourage my staff to take advantage of company benefits. She did that. In general, she does her job proficiently. She is not a real go getter…she does not go over and above on a regular basis. So last year, I gave her an average evaluation. She does her job in a sufficient manner. Well, she was PISSED. That’s fine…everyone is entitled to their feelings. Lord knows I was pissed when I got passed over for a promotion last year.

Unfortunately, she proceeded to engage in a lot of childish behavior. First she wrote an inflammatory response and basically said that she felt like I had something personal against her. She stopped speaking to me. Every day I would come to work and say “good morning (name withheld).” And she would just scowl or completely ignore me. At one point I gave her an assignment and she basically said she could not do it and she didn’t even want to try. I actually had to take her off site and speak to her about her behavior. It was ridiculous. I mean, what kind of person simply stops speaking to their BOSS?? Wft?  

To her credit, she has filled in to some degree since Smokey left. Still, I have made sure that she is not overextended…I always have a temp. The editors and the NY production staff are always available for backup in a pinch. Anyhow, I know if I give her the review that I believe she deserves, all hell is gonna break loose. Argh.

What Kind of Killer are You?

You are a Samurai.
You are full of honour and value respect. You
are not really the stereotypical hero, but you
do fight for good. Just in your own way. For
you, it is most certainly okay to kill an evil
person, if it is for justice and peace. You
also don't belive in mourning all the time and
think that once you've hit a bad stage in life
you just have to get up again. It's pointless
to concentrate on emotional pain and better to
just get on with everything. You also are a
down to earth type of person and think before
you act. Impulsive people may annoy you
somewhat.

Main weapon: Sword
Quote: "Always do the right thing.
This will gratify some people and astonish the
rest" -Mark Twain
Facial expression: Small smile


What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
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Random Happenings...

Last night my friend D called me to tell me about a chance encounter she had with someone I dated before I met my hubby.

E was never my boyfriend, per se. For the first year after we met, we were friends. We hung out occasionally. Sometimes we didn't see each other for a long time. It was all good. Then one day, out of the blue, he kissed me. It was very unexpected. Afterwards, I was completely smitten with him. And then I didn't see or hear from him for five months.

Our relationship was more of a fling. We only actually went out a few times. We would hook up after the clubs on a semi-regular basis. For a while he lived on the West side (about 10 minutes from my folks) and he would invite me over under the pretense of watching a movie. We'd always end up making out. We never really defined our relationship, I'm sure he had other women. He seemed just a little out of my reach. I was never quite myself around him. He was bogus at the end of our fling. Things ended soon after I asked him where things were going (if anywhere) with us. He told me that he wanted to work towards us moving to another level. He said he wanted to be with me. The day after this conversation he sent me an email to say that he was wrong and that he wasn't ready. But that he hoped we could still be friends. Unfortunately, I have a strict policy against trying to be friends with any ex. So that was the end of our relationship.

Anyhoo, D was out at a club on Sunday night and she saw E. He immediately asked her who she was with. When he saw that I was not there, she said he looked pretty disappointed. Then he asked her about my whereabouts. That is crazy to me. It has been more than 5 years since we were together. On one hand, it is a nice ego stroke to know that he knows on some level that he let go of a good thing. But it is very sad to know that he is still out there in the clubs doing the same things and looking for different results.

******************************************************

Some random things I saw today.....
* A woman was attempting to cover her little boy as he relieved himself in front of Sears on State Street. In broad daylight. During lunch hour. Sheesh, there's a public bathroom inside.

* An elderly woman was wearing a plastic Wendy's bag (the one they use for salads) as a hat. I would have given her a waiver if it had been raining.

The Short End of the Stick

I have an odd situation at work. My company went through a merger about three years ago. Prior to the merger, I was in charge of all research and media relations. After the merger, my responsibilities were diminished. Now I am in charge of research from the Chicago office. But one person on my staff still does some media stuff….at the time of the merger it made sense because the analytical staff here still needed a local point of contact for media stuff. So, fast forward to present day. The media girl still reports to me. I write her evaluations and she is still part of my staff. But for all intents and purposes, I have nothing to do with media. The person in charge of media is in NY. He rarely communicates with her and he never contributes to her evaluation, no matter how far in advance I request his input.

Last year, I recommended her for a promotion and was turned down flat. My boss even lied to me and said that the media guy had given him some negative feedback about her. (I later discovered that he lied. LIAR!) Meanwhile, we have seen several of her NY counterparts work their way through the ranks in less than a year. Now the girl on my staff is mad. She wants to do research (not media). I don’t blame her. I want to move her to the research team. But that would mean the NY media people will have to let her go. I made the same request last year and I was shot down without any reasonable explanation. I will ask again this year, but I am not looking forward to it.

The bottom line is that the management in NY (looks out for the NY team ahead of the Chicago team. They can move up just for showing up every day, but we have to jump through all kinds of hoops just to even be considered for a promotion.