All Aboard the Baby Train Express....

My New RE...She's no Dr. Mom
Friday I went for my consult with the RE who specializes in recurrent pregnancy loss. She is an older, grey-haired woman with a bun. She is very grandmotherly except for one thing: she has the longest nails I've ever seen on a doctor. Years ago, I used to get these really long acrylic nails. I mean so long that I had to re-learn how to button my shirt. They were ridiculous. Just like my new doctor's. On the positive side, she does have 10 kids of her own. So she must no something about maintaining a pregnancy, right?

All of the tests that my hubby and I did came back normal. What that means is that either we just have really bad luck, or I have an immune system factor for which they do not have a marker. So our next step is another round of IVF with IvIg as a prophylactic measure. What is IvIg you ask? We will call it the scary bag of fluid. Basically it is an intravenous infusion of human immunoglobin. Basically it is plasma from about 20,000 donors. I guess the treatment has been in use for autoimmune diseases for more than 20 years. They don't know why it works, but it does. One of my coworkers had several unexplained miscarriages and she did ivig. Now she has a bouncing baby boy. (Okay, I don't know if he bounces.)

We are going to give it a shot. I mean what do we have to lose? (Well, besides $3,000 a pop that is NOT covered by insurance. Gaaah!) We are on track for a mid August IVF cycle.

Baby Shower HELL!
Yesterday was the ever-dreaded baby shower for my brother in law and sister in law. (Side note: what is up with the couple baby shower?) You remember, the sil who "accidentally" got pregnant within the first three months of being married? Surprisingly, I actually did okay. (My mom and my hubby were there, just in case I happened to start screaming uncontrollably.) I managed to stay in good spirits, despite being surrounded by extra fertile, extra pregnant 20-something couples. (There were four expectant mothers, one pregnant with twins.) I didn't smash the camera when my oh so sensitive SIL asked me to take pictures of her opening her gifts. I am sure that holding in all of my grief and rage will manifest itself in some weird and unseemly manner...I'll keep you posted.

I hope I don't sound too hateful. I mean, I am really looking forward to the birth of their child. I enjoyed shopping for his gifts. And I can't wait to play with him. But at the same time, I am still struggling with my own grief and fear. I am still trying to reconcile why God is allowing us to be tested in this way. Right now I feel empty spiritually. And yet the message I keep hearing through it all is to have faith. Well, I am trying.

By the way, my sil's parents have a spectacular house. But it is waaaaay out in the boonies. They are ministers at a church in a very depressed neighborhood in the city. I guess they didn't want to risk any drop-in visits from their congregation. My mom had the quote of the day. "I guess pastoring pays really well these days."

Because I don't have enough stress in my life...
We are planning a major remodel of our bathroom, powder room and we are having the upstairs painted. Also, I hired a landscaper. He is trimming our trees and laying sod at this very moment. I have contractors lined up for the inside work, so hopefully they will get started around the middle of July. Wish me luck.

So that's what is up with me. I will try to do better at keeping you all posted.