A Reason, Season or a Lifetime

They say that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I struggle with letting people go, even after I realize that for whatever reason, our time together is winding down. It makes me sad that several people who were in my wedding are not actually lifelong friends like I thought they would be. Friendships are precious. Days like today, I feel like a loser because several of my friendships are not what I thought they would be.

Friend #1—We were roommates in college for three years. She was my matron of honor. I have always considered her to be my best friend, pretty much since college. Imagine my shock to hear her tell someone while we were shopping “…this is for my best friend insert name of someone else, not me …” while I was standing right there. Of course, we are past the age where I could say, “I thought I was your best friend!” without sounding ridiculous and childish. I did not react at all. Over the past few months I’ve heard refer to this person as her best friend on a few more occasions. Each time it cut like a knife. I feel like I put a lot into this friendship over the years and so has she. She has not been neglectful in our friendship. But when it comes down to it in the end, I am a good friend, but not her best friend.

Friend #2—We are coworkers. I sang in her wedding and she was a bridesmaid in mine. She has been my workplace confidant. I told her about my fertility stuff, but when she got pregnant, she didn’t share anything with me. I only found out because her husband called me trying to locate her. She was in NY and she had a miscarriage. Even he thought she would have confided in me. Her explanation “I decided not to tell anyone at work.” Somehow, I thought we were beyond just work buddies. I shared so much with her about the ups and downs of my journey, I just thought she would reciprocate. On top of that, we went to Vegas last year and I ended up sharing a room with her B-school buddy. She got really drunk and vomited all over the room. After all was said and done, she has become better friends with her while distancing herself from me. I managed to give her a shower at work, even while I was going through the worst personal crisis of my life. While she was on maternity leave, she didn’t want me to come over. When I leave this job, I know the friendship will be over.

Friend #3—We used to sing together. Then we started clubbing together. She was my running buddy. Our friendship was fine as long as she was at the center of things. Things started to go south when I first started dating my husband. A few times I invited him to meet us out, bring a friend, let’s all hang out. She made it clear that she was not cool with that. It was all good when we’d go out and she’d see whoever her flavor of the month was and leave me to fend for myself until she was ready to go home. But the minute she realized that I could pull a man or two, she seemed almost jealous. And when I got engaged, she became the flaky friend. Now that I am married, our friendship is on life support. I have to call her 2-3 times before she will return a phone call. Foolishly, I keep trying to keep her around when clearly she does not want to be bothered.