Grief
My pregnancy is officially over. I went for a d&c on Monday. I decided to have the surgery because waiting for the pregnancy to resolve by itself was killing me. Also, they will run tests on the tissue to find out if a chromosomal abnormality caused the miscarriage. We should get the results of this test and our bloodwork in a couple of weeks. I came back to work yesterday, even though I am still grieving. I just don't think I should lay on the couch for the rest of the week.
Grief is such a powerful emotion. It feels like a heavy weight right in my chest. I feel much sadder this time around and I am really starting to question my faith. I hate to even give life to that statement by writing it down. But I keep waiting for God's infinite wisdom to show up and explain why this happened. Should we continue to try, or are we just banging our heads against a brick wall?
To add insult to injury, one of my husband's best friends just announced this week that he and his wife are expecting. And my brother's wife just told me that her nephew's girlfriend just had her twin babies this week (When he found out she was pregnant, he punched her in the stomach...it's a long and tragic story that I'll save for another time.) And I just got an email today from a friend of mine....a single friend mind you...and she is expecting...and it was definitely an accident. Now I would never wish my situation on anyone. And I know that each of these situations have nothing to do with me. But why do I have to hear about all this just days after the official end of my pregnancy? Is this some kind of cruel joke? I feel like I might lose my mind.
posted by songbird36 @ 7:52 AM
9 Comments:
I am so sorry that you have been hit with the inevitable pregnancy announcements. They always seem to come at the worst time (is there a good time?).
I know you are not asking me directly if you should keep trying but I just want to say that I don't think any decisions can be made now. Give the grief some time to run it's course and allow the healing to begin.
I am so very sorry for your loss.
Thanks, Jen.
hey. I just found your blog from a comment on Sunnie's. it's my first visit. I am really sorry you're going through this right now. :( Please know there's someone all the way over here in California thinking about you. I want to thank you for posting, in detail, about your miscarriage. Believe it or not, it is really helpful for others (me) to get the stright dope and know what others are going through.
I have another (non-internet) friend who is going through similar right now, and I will try to get her to check out your words. Not alone. None of us.
I'll check back on you tomorrow - please keep posting.
Hugs.
So sorry to hear about your loss.
Lisa,
*hug*
I am so glad you posted. I was about to call you to ask how you were. Take the time you need to process all of this. I had a friend who went through miscarriage and almost left her husband because the grief was so much...
The reason I say that is because there are so many feelings that come up surrounding infertility, and unfortunately miscarriage. You will go through the range of emotions (including questioning your faith) I have not lost a child, and I have already gone there with my feelings. And you know what? It's ok.
Go through them all...process it all. Yell, cry, scream, doubt God...all of it. It is the only way to heal. If you need us...and even if you don't...we're here. I'm standing in the gap for you, believing that God can and will get you through this, even though it is hard to believe right now.
Much love and respect.
Sunnie
So very sorry for your loss.
Also, so sorry for all the pregnancy announcements right at a time when that is not what you want to hear.
At least you will get an answer, hopefully as to why this happened to this one. I know that we did the chromosome testing/D&C with my last loss and it did relieve some of my grief/anger/guilt.
Good luck on figuring out where you are with your faith. I was not raised with religion so that whole issue doesn't bother me. I do know that many people going through what we are do have questions about Why did God let this happen.
If you ever need to talk, I am just north of the border here in Wisconsin. You can check out my blog if you want to find me. Know that there are many out here who care about you.
You all are really amazing. Thanks so much for your kind words and prayers. You have no idea how much your support means to me. :-)
I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.
I'm sorry for your loss songbird. This post really hit home with me today. :(
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