Obsession

I have been delinquent on posting lately. Too busy obsessing about trying to conceive. **TMI ALERT*** We decided that if I didn't get pregnant in October that we would jump back on the baby train using ART (assisted reproductive technology). We have some frozen embryos from my last IVF cycle. We can do an embryo transfer without having to do too much stimulation (just a little lupron so they can have complete control of my cycle and a bit of estrogen to build up the ol' uterine lining). So, I started spotting on Sunday and AF came on Monday. It was light, but enough to require a pad. I started the bcp on Monday (to keep me from accidentally getting pregnant while I'm on Lupron) and my AF has stopped. Today is Wednesday. SO I only had one day of AF. One. Day. Could I already be pregnant??? Or is the bcp making my body go haywire?? Mind you, I've only taken it for 2 days. I took a home pregnancy test last night...negative. But yesterday was only 13DPO, so it could be a little early. I am going to the doctor tomorrow for labs & ultrasound. In the meantime, the wheels in my head go 'round and 'round, 'round and 'round...

I really hate that this is on my mind so much. Some days I can think of nothing else. I can spend a full day reading the message boards on fertilityfriend.com and trying to glean some secret insight on what my eggs are doing by looking at my chart. Argh.

Odd conversation today with my boss's boss. He is in town today meeting with some groups to talk about new technology. He asked me how was the baby. I had to inform him that I had a miscarriage. It was quite awkward. He said he was sorry and he had such a blank look on his face. I wonder does he think that was why I ws out of the office for six weeks. Did Oz even tell him? I know Oz doesn't really care what happens to me, but damn he could at least get the story straight to upper management. Thank goodness I'm not on the emotional roller coaster today. I could have had a breakdown.