Happy Holidays!

Happy holidays! This is my favorite time of year. Food, family, gifts, etc... I made a concerted effort to not wallow in self-pity regarding the baby situation. I know that it will happen in due season. I allowed myself to be sad for about a week, but now I am ready to get right back on the horse. We will do a full IVF cycle in January.

Christmas was great. I got the new iPod video, a digital camera, some cool speakers for my computer, and a host of gift cards, workout gear, etc... We hosted dinner but I didn't wear myself out trying to do everything. And to top things off, the Chicago Bears won, so my hubby and my brother were in a good mood. My bro had the quote of the day. Early in the game the score was tied up and he said "Christmas is RUINED!" hahahaahhaaaa! Even at 30, he is still just a big kid. I took a picture of his sour puss with my new camera...I'll post it later.

I am actually one of the few people working this week. It's really not all that bad...extremely quiet. It almost feels like a vacation at work. I guess I'll work on my resolutions for 2006. More on this tomorrow.

Cracked

Today I was scheduled to have an embryo transfer. Unfortunately, my doctor called yesterday to cancel because the embryos cracked during the thawing out process. I am sad beyond words today. I decided to come to work because I figured it would probably be really unhealthy to stay in the bed feeling pathetic and pitiful all day. I want to just be able to pull myself together and move on to the next step. But the truth is I just want to curl up in a little ball under my desk. I feel so defective.

It is becoming more and more difficult to watch everyone around my as they start their families. We found out recently that my husband's brother and his wife are pregnant, completely accidental since she was on the pill. Logically, I know that this has nothing to do with me. I just can't believe this is my life...every month new hope and then a big disappointment. I manage to stay upbeat, positive and hopeful most of the time. But today I just feel sad.